Staying Stable 'Cause the Rest of You Aren't

See, I tend to attract the broken things. I can usually fix them. Animals that need care, plants that need sun and water, objects that need a bit of tinkering. But I also attract broken people. Not "broken" in the physically disabled, or even totally non-coherent sense, but people who have been rather shaken by life, genetics, and the mixture of the two.

My father always taught me that I was responsible for shoving the child/blind person/dog out of the way of the bus, as "no one else would do it". He taught me to stand up for justice, for what is right. He told me to be kind to those who needed kindness. I have tried to follow that. But it's very hard. I have to be the strong one, many times. It's frustrating, hearing everyone's damage, their war-stories, and trying to think of ways to help, or even just listening. When I listen, they feel better, but I feel infuriated at my lack of power to keep them safe.

My current mate is one of the damaged ones. The chemistry in his brain is slightly off. It's fixable, but it's awful having to wait for him to come home from "The Psych Ward in China Town". Charming, no? The place is actually lovely, but still, how hideous a thought, how hideous a name I've given it.

My friends all have their war-stories. I've vowed to at least maim one of their fathers, and cried a few times. I hate crying. It's so ineffective. I want to jump in and fix things, but that's impossible. Brains are much harder to fix than toys or even animals. Lives are hardest. I don't try to fix it all. I offer what I can, and recommend more experienced, useful people and ideas. I hate complaining, because I don't have to care, nor carry the burdens my friends do. Sometimes, it's very tiring, though, to wonder who's okay and who's not, to not speak to or see the man you have, for a good few months, been daily at the side of.

I will never give you up. I love you all. I will be loyal to you until the end. It is hard, but I will do it. You wouldn't abandon me either. I trust you. You can trust in me. I'm here. I'm always here.

I can't sleep. I fight my own hysterics sometimes. Laughing and crying while shaking uncontrollably is not fun. Fainting for reasons other than vasovagal syncope is really not fun. Please, can we all just have good lives? We have character enough, let us graduate from out "life-lessons". I'd prefer not to forget what stairs are again.